Song: It's Your BirthdayAlbum: Happy People/U Saved Me
This is a real Cheers moment, when R. Kelly shows up at this lady's house to take her out, and he's all, "Hey baby, let's go to the IHOP or to the club or something" and she just stands there with her arms crossed in front of her, waiting, and she's got this angry look on her face.
R. Kelly racks his brain. What's she mad about? It's not like he wants her to pay for the pancakes. Hell, one of the main four things he is is rich. Wait. Did she want to go to Waffle House instead? Cause if that's the case she can just do by her own self and —
Shit. It's her birthday. That's what she meant when she asked him earlier what he was gonna get her for her birthday. Sonofabitch. Think fast, R. Think fast.
"Surprise, Girl I bet you thought I had went and forgot," he sings, laughing uneasily. "In fact, I wrote you a song all about your birthday and it goes like this..." And then he sings the rest of the song, which includes lyrics like, " (It's your birthday) so let's party and have some fun." And " do do do do do do do do do do do..."
Again, think Cheers, circa the eighties, when Woody realizes all of a sudden that it's his girlfriend's birthday and he as to act as though he'd been writing her a song all along: "kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly...I love you....kelly kelly kelly kelly kelly."
So the girl is pacified now, but R. Kelly's still a little anxious. Because there's something else that's naggin' him, and he needs to figure it out STAT before this improvised birthday song is over. Think, R. Think.
What the fuck is her name?
Best to just try out a bunch, he figures, and ends the song—no kidding—like this:
Go Drea, it's your birthday!
Go Joanne, it's your birthday!
Go Jaya, it's your birthday!
Go Channél, it's your birthday!
Go Angie, it's your birthday!
Go Julie, it's your birthday!
Go Ebony, it's your birthday!
Go Teshonda it's your birthday!
Go Kim, it's your birthday!
Go Lisa, it's your birthday!
Go Devine, it's your birthday!
Go Simone, it's your birthday!
Go Vernice, it's your birthday!
Go Gina, it's your birthday!
Go Kat, it's your birthday!
Go Carmen, it's your birthday!
Luckily, he's R. Kelly, so he'll probably still get laid, even if her name isn't Julie, Ebony, Teshonda, Kim, Lisa, Devine, Simone, Vernice, Gina, Kat, Carmen, Angie, Channel, Jaya, Drea OR Joanne.
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6 comments:
Hey! This just gave me a really good idea for R. Kelly. If he ever hits hard times he could just write those custom happy birthday cds. Have you ever seen these?
My friend Nathan got one once, and there were all these songs where they actually said the name NATHAN. Like, 'Happy Birthday NATHAN'. I guess you buy a CD like this off a rack at a truck stop like you do keychains with your name on it.
So R. could just record a bunch of songs with different lady's names. And we don't have to even be talking about BIRTHDAY songs. It could be a version of 'Sex in the Kitchen' with your name in it, like "Put MARY on the counter by the buttered rolls, We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed".
Or it could be a version of Real Talk. "Real talk, And watch your mouth. Fuck me? Fuck BETH!"
Or Snake: "i'm lovin' the way ELIZABETH's movin' erotic exotic sexy kittens sippin' hypnotic spotted you shakin it fast".
Or: "I like the crotch on you, Sara"
Also, you can watch this wonderful moment from Cheers at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hJjx7jTHA8
Not to mention, "Put some clothes on, Lucy, and let's go to the IHOP."
Or: " I'm all up in Kelly's milk , oooh it taste like skittles"
gross
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