This is Player Hater One reporting from PHD base. Over.

Song: The Chase
Album: R Album

In this short but cryptic song, we're privy to a covert conversation between Player Hater One and his Captain Player Hater. What we gather is that the Player Haters have send Player Hatin' spies from PDH base to follow R. Kelly, to whom they refer — in code — as "the talent."

Their objective, from what I can gather, is to stop R. Kelly from being such a sexy mothafucka. Good luck fellows!

Many obstacles, not the least of which is R. Kelly himself, stand in the Player Haters' way. For example, "due to the heavy rains up here it's hard to tell what the talent is carrying. Over."

Captain Player Hater suggests he "try real hard" to ascertain what the talent is carrying. So Player Hater One presumably pulls out his night-vision wear to look more closely; and what he discerns, through all that rain, is that the talent is carrying his latest, sexiest album. An album so playeriffic that all the forces at PHD headquarters couldn't possibly hope to contain it's playerlicious impact.

We all know how this ends. R. Kelly is going to best the Player Haters once again. Perhaps he will even personally take down the Captain Player Hater by sexing CPH's lady in CPH's very own kitchen/shed. But what we don't know is this: Why is R. Kelly walking through the pouring rain with his new album? Doesn't he have distributors to take care of that for him? And where are they anyway? His top-secret recording studio in Area 51?

I guess some things are so top-secret that even we—as principle R. Kelly bloggers—can't even know. Lest they be revealed, somehow, to the Player Hating Squadron.