R. doesn't spend all his time singing and sexing. Occasionally he takes a break to get that goddamn money you owe him. R.'s tour promoter owes him $3.4 million for shows he never got paid. And now R. is having to get a judge involved just to get it.
His promoter Leonard Rowe sounds whack as hell:
"Singer Ne-Yo recently won a $700,000 judgment against Rowe after he sued because he was dropped from Kelly's tour after only two shows."
(Who doesn't like Ne-Yo? Has anyone seen his MTV Cribs episode? I thought he was charming.)
What R. will do with the money once he gets it is anyone's guess, (dude is loaded and probably has ladies buying him stuff all the time), but I'm leaning towards blowing it at the club and catering bills.
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Hey, I have an idea.
Considering 2 things:
1. Lawyer shows like 'Boston Legal' and 'Law and Order' are always really popular
2.R. Kelly ends up in court an average of once per week--
--Don't you think we could make an entire dramatic television series just based on R. in court?
Oh shit. An R. Kelly courtroom drama? Can R. become a Matlock sort of lawyer? Is Matlock a lawyer? I've never actually seen it. Is Perry Mason a lawyer? Never seen that one either.
Yes, they're both lawyers. Perry Mason is an excellent show, I've recently discovered. But I would hope that R. wouldn't be the lawyer, he would be the perpetual client. Like, you know how on most law dramas they have to constantly hire bit actors to play small roles having to do with a murder or robbery or civil suit? Well, here, with our show, you would just always have R. as the defendant. It would be very easy to produce. The big question is, though, who would be a good choice to play his lawyer?
okay YES. however. it is more accurate if R. is a client. but i can just picture the next chapters of trapped in the closet with R. as the suave, smooth talking/singing lawyer, cornering witnesses with his sexy rhymes. i mean please. the possibilities are endless. but they all end up with sex on some type of highly polished wood furniture, and maybe include judges' chambers. or uniforms. but, if R. always was the client, we'd probably need kevin bacon to be his lawyer. or james garner. PS. i thought that's how one became a lawyer, r&b, by watching matlock win again.
I bet that show actually would get pretty old pretty fast if R. was the lawyer. It'd just be him putting girl after girl on the witness stand and getting them to admit either 1) R. is the best lover they've ever had, or 2) They look forward to R. being the best lover they've ever had.
Maybe we can reach a compromise here. For the first few seasons R. is the client. Then there comes a case against him where he feels he needs to defend HIMSELF. After doing such a good job at that, some lawyers decide to hire him and he becomes a lawyer himself. He's so good already that he doesn't need to go to law school.
It's good to have a long term plan when you launch a major courtroom drama. With any luck, it will be on for a decade.
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